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To my right is the decision we received by the Family Court in Calgary, Alberta. This decision was read to us in open court on Feb. 9, 2001   
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Page 12: The Decision



12

Mother told this court that children learn what they see. I have to wonder what the Child is learning from these proceedings. Perhaps that relationships are to be discarded if they are no longer useful - that no respect or quarter is to be given even if advancing age and ill health are evident - that parents have absolute control over their children ' that the nuclear family (more, dad and the kids) is a unit unto itself and the only things which an extended family can provide are unconditional acceptance and girls. The problem with this, of course, is that it can become a powerful legacy to the children which may then be turned on their own parents in the next generation.

Mother is not interest in learning about new ways to parent the Child, nor is she prepared to discuss her decisions or to mediate in the best interests of the Child. The investigation by Social Services and the filing of this application have resulted in her hardened stance against the Grandparents.

This court finds that it is not in the best interests of the Child that an order to enforce the Grandparents' right of access be granted This court believes that before and after any court-ordered visits with his Grandparents would be made too difficult by Mother and Allan Radke. Mother has expressed a very low opinion of her son's abilities to think for himself or to make decisions and anything that was out of her control would be fought and could perhaps trigger an even more strict regime being imposed upon the Child, such as that she
cited from the 1-2-3-Magic program. Allan Radke does not present as able to deal with any rebellion by the Child and the risk of such rebellion occurring after a visit with the Grandparents is a risk of punishment for the Child. The parenting which the Child receives does not constitute abuse under the legislation of Alberta, but it is certainly hard and unrelenting. I will not grant an order which will almost certainly increase such pressures on this little boy. The Grandparents must look into their own hearts and recognize that if they truly love this Child they must step away and allow this family to function as best it can.

I encourage the Grandparents to continue to communicate through cards and gifts as Christmas and birthdays and I trust that Mother will have the good grace to ensure the Child receives theses items.

The loss of his Grandparents is a real loss for Dainen, given the many years he was free to develop this relationship so deeply. Perhaps in the future ...But we are all mindful that time may
be short.

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